The Screaming Banshee

Clearly this semester is going to break me.

Excerpts from two separate emails I sent to two different people today that demonstrate my school-related decline into the Screaming Banshee...

EMAIL #1:

i'm just all sorts of stressing out. tuesdays seem to be the day for that because coming home from class mondays and realizing what i need to know for next week seems to flick the crazy-switch on.

and the test isn't until june. we are just chugging through shit like INSANE though in the meantime. next week: i need to know everything about what bones are made of and how they grow as well as everything about skin, hair, and nails. that doesn't SOUND like a lot, but when we learned it about two years ago, we spent a month on the material. a month. and i CANNOT remember the names of things. and everything has like three names. it can't just be called the subcutaneous layer of skin for example--oh no, it also has to be called superficial fascia and hypodermis. so not only will i forget the definition of ONE term if it comes up on a test, i will forget the definition of two others.

i just looked over the syllabus for class though and was like, damn--i don't remember narry a thing.

people here are also talking too loud today. it makes me want to suckerpunch them. esp. since i'm not sure who they are or what they do. they just showed up one day.

[insert a bunch of rambling about boys and penises and snuggling]

see: it's everything! and the stupid vitamin-choking brought it all on, dammit!

[a wee bit more about boys and penises and snuggling]

i hope this long rant makes me feel a little bit better. *fingers crossed and thank you for listening*

EMAIL #2:

here's the skinny on my end, so you can see where i'm coming from with stuff as well: i just started my new semester last week. i have class all day monday. not just ho-hum classes, but last semester blowing-your-mind-with-information-until-you're-an-inch-from-putting-that-barrel-against-your-temple-because-it-sounds-easier-than-retaining-one-more-thing-about-the-motherf-ing-human-body class. seriously: this week was only my second week, and i am at the point of tears with feeling overwhelmed. to the point that i honestly don't see HOW i'm going to remember all this shit to pass the exam in june. in turn, this leaves me wanting to just crawl under a rock and sleep all day on tuesdays (because apparently this is my day where i feel horribly overwhelmed and want to explode). top that off with the fact that tuesdays, wednesdays, and thursdays i am now working 11.5 hour days and stuck here until 6, and fridays i am now unable to sleep in and have to drag-ass into work for 5.5 hours, and perhaps you can tap into why i'm not real game for subjecting other people to my company during the week.

friday nights and saturdays are my days of solace. they are the days i can actually do stuff with people without feeling like my brain is on high-speed and won't stop chattering on and on hysterically in other people's presence for no reason. (i'm sure you understand the brain-chatter: it sounds like it's what keeps you from ever getting normal human-being sleep.) they are the days i can (for the most part) put aside anything school-related and just hang out and relax, by myself or with other people. they are the days my brain is relatively quiet. they are the days that i want to have easy plans with friends who'll to snuggle me up and make me feel better and alleviate my stress some... unlike folks who work only an 8-hour job every weekday and come home in the evening to absolutely nothing really pressing to do, i'm working 11.5 hour days, 40 hours a week, taking classes all day on mondays, and coming home to a few meager hours of evening time which i can't even relax during because i have to be studying my ass off.

so yeah. please excuse the sudden explosion of explanation, but it's been a long day, and i don't think i've ever filled you in on what exactly this last semester entails. hopefully this'll help you understand why dragging my ass all the way out to XXX on monday (when i didn't get home until after 6) didn't sound too appealing to me.

The End