Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me

In an attempt to redeem my rants and raves about my Ethics class (and my constant need to poke fun at my instructor so as to not stab myself in the eye instead), I offer you up the following tidbit that I've learned in my reading for the class:

There is a reason that guys seem like such 24-7 hornballs when it comes to sex. And it makes sense.

Some of you may read this and find yourselves thinking, Duh--you didn't already think of that? But this is something to which, I guess, I've never given much thought.

In our weird, sexually-frustrated, ultra-conservative culture, parents have been "programmed" to stop being physically affectionate and/or touchy feely with their young boys once they hit a certain age. This happens with girls as well, but not in the same way--when girls reach a certain age, the touchy-feeliness between father and daughter stops out of fear, but it is not typically shut off between mother and daughter. And it is most definitely not shut off between female friends--girls continue to do each other's hair, sleep in bed with each other, hold hands, etc. Girls hug one another. Girls kiss. Girls are freer with their touch. With girls, the taboo of touch is nowhere near as powerful as with boys. Boys, however, hit a certain age and both parents stop offering up the intimacy of touch to them. For fathers, it's "taboo" for touch between two males. For mothers, it's considered a little bit weird (except on the rare occasion) to be touchy-feely with your boy. And god forbid a boy hug another boy, kiss another boy, hold hands, etc. As all of us know, you do anything of these things as a male, and your sexuality is immediately called into question.

So boys sort of get the shit-end of the stick. Once they hit a certain age, touch becomes associated with the "taboo." You shouldn't be touchy-feely with your dad because, well, it's just not very manly, and in fact, it's kinda... well... gay. Shh. And you sure as shit shouldn't be touchy feely with your guy friends, because that's WAY more unmanly and faggoty. Good god.

So where does that leave boys? Without the intimacy of touch.

And where does the intimacy of touch start to reenter their lives again? With sex. With masturbation. With fooling around.

So when you wonder why it is you can't hug your boyfriend without him getting a big hard-on over you, when you roll your eyes at how the careless touch of a hand on someone's shoulder at the bar opens the gateway to them hitting on you, when you become shocked to find out that the guy friend you are touchy-feely with in the same way you are with your girl friends wants to tap your ass, remember that fact: boys have inadvertently been programmed to associate touch with fucking because, after a certain age, that is the only arena in which touch enters their lives.

Guys and their fucked-up ideas about sex are as much an inadvertent (and oftentimes unfortunate) product of our fucked up culture as, say, women's body image issues.

This doesn't excuse their actions. It doesn't justify all the fucked up ways they let their sex-drive rule the world.

But it does explain things.